T4T FAQ’S
Many FAQs about trans kids are written for their parents, for their doctors, or for their schools. This is a Trans4Trans FAQs article, written by me, a twenty-two-year-old trans and nonbinary person, for trans youth coming into themselves.
I came out as trans at the age of fifteen and have been working in the trans community as a friend, lover, peer supporter, student, and teacher since then. These answers are from my perspective and are largely shaped by advice I’ve received from our trans community in the time I’ve been out. These FAQs are for anyone questioning their gender, trans youth, or anyone wanting to learn more about the perspectives of trans folks ontransness itself.
How do I know if I am trans?
The truth is, there is no biological marker that can designate whether or not someone is transgender. In fact, some trans people even go as far as to say that transness is not only something they are, but something they do. In this way, anyone can be trans, so long as they “do” transness. For many people, coming into transness is a process of self-actualization. Therefore, knowing you are trans can come from deep personal reflection. What kind of life do I want to live in twenty years? If I was alone on a deserted island, who would I be? What would make me the most happy? If nothing else mattered (politics, family expectations, career things, school, sports, significant others), what would I do? There will never be A 100% sure sign that you are trans. At some point, the decision will fall on your shoulders: it’s entirely in your hands who you become.
How do I know what gender I am?
In questioning my gender, the thing I have come back most to is the fact that I can be anything I want. My best advice as a nonbinary adult regarding figuring out your gender is to experiment and try out different things. If you are called to a certain gender expressive outfit, name, or pronoun, get somewhere safe and try it out on your own or with trusted friends. For many of us, as kids, we figured out our genders mainly through play. I have found that resorting to gender play, following your instincts, and experimenting with new strategies of gender expression can help elucidate your own identity: your style, your expression, and how you want to be who you are.
How should I come out?
Coming out is something you can do entirely on your own terms. When you have decided that the time is right to come out to a loved one, family, a friend, or anyone else, remember that coming out isn’t necessarily something celebratory and cumulative the way it is online and in movies: it can be quiet, awkward, drawn out, implied. Schuyler Bailar reminds us to remember the three C’s when coming out: be clear, compassionate, and confident. Coming out can be whatever you need it to be: it can be a moment to soliloquize what you’ve kept inside for so long, or merely a time to communicate a change in how you’d like to be referred to. Coming out changes as you change and as time goes on. Many queer people talk about the idea that you never stop coming out. For many people, that’s entirely true. For trans folks, it can be different to come out as trans at different times in your trans journey, as your gender expression, body, and self change. Remember that it should be your choice when to come out, and who to come out to. For more advice on coming out, visit the trans lifeline’s coming out online guide, https://heyimtrans.com/
What are my options for physical/medical transition?
One of the coolest things about being trans is your freedom to create your body the way you want it, the way it will best match how you see yourself. Gender affirming healthcare can take many forms, most commonly as hormones and surgeries. While the options for medical transition are often simplified solely to “hormones and surgery,” as if it is a two stop shop, the true ways of changing one’s sex are far more numerous and more complex. Trans people of all kinds choose to partake in a variety of procedures and therapies in order to change their sex, including taking hormones such as testosterone, estrogen, and anti-androgens, top surgeries (chest and breast areas), bottom surgeries (genital areas), facial surgeries, hip and torso surgeries, buttock surgeries, vocal surgeries, voice therapies, hair transplants, hair removal therapies, and more. Trans people of all kinds use different combinations of these procedures to create their bodies the way they want them to be. For youth at a certain point before puberty, these interventions can also include “hormone blockers,” most commonly gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH) agonists, which suppress the natural production of sex hormones, such as androgens (e.g. testosterone) and estrogens (e.g. estradiol). When you’re under 18, this can only be accomplished with the consent of your parents/guardians. Access to gender affirming medical care varies depending on where you live. Many trans people end up traveling to complete various procedures in places other than where they live, either in other states here in the U.S., or abroad. Access varies also depending on insurance coverage and cost. For people unable to afford surgery, many people choose to fundraise within their community, or to apply for surgery funds. Point of Pride covers the costs of gender affirming surgeries for more and more eligible adults each year: https://www.pointofpride.org/annual-transgender-surgery-fund Or get travel grants for you + a caregiver to receive your gender affirming care in another location: https://www.genderbands.org/grants
For eligible young adults (18-24), contact us to be matched with a therapist who can write a letter of support for insurance coverage of gender affirming care: https://www.safty.org/referral-letter
What are my options for legal transition?
Generally, when one refers to “legal transition,” they’re talking about changing your legal identification papers to match your current identity, be that in sex marker, photos, name, etc. This process can be extremely tenuous as it requires trans people to navigate a series of confusing bureaucratic system that has not been created with their existence in mind. Laws and regulations around what is required to make these designations, and whether they are possible to alter at all, is dependent on where you live and local laws. In some cases, such as in California, as of January 2025, all that is required for adults is proof of identity and informed consent (and many forms to fill out). At the same time, in more restrictive states, such as Texas, one cannot change their sex designation on any state documents, including drivers’ licenses and birth certificates.
As of January 2025, it is unclear if the federal government will allow adults who are U.S. citizens, to change your passport and social security sex designations. Prior to the new Trump administration, you had to give informed consent, proof of U.S. citizenship, and proof of identity. After his new Executive Orders, it is unclear if this is still allowed, and/or if his new orders will be challenged in court.
For those seeking support in their legal name and gender changes, contact us for help filling out required forms and even coverage of related court fees: https://www.safty.org/name-gender-change
What are my options for logistical transition?
Logistical transition is what I am calling the non-government parts of changing your name and gender. For instance, changing your name at your bank, on your credit cards, at your school, and more. When you change your name, it becomes clear just how many things one registers for with their name, and each becomes a task to update. Many may consider this to be a subcategory of legal transition, but some of these things are possible to change without any court orders or legal actions taken to change one’s legally recognized sex or name. Andrea James at Transgender Map provides a comprehensive list here of all the places to check to make sure you have updated your name: https://www.transgendermap.com/guidance/legal/identity/name-change/checklist/
What are my options for social transition?
Many times, social transition is reduced to some idea like “living life as a woman/man.” But what does that mean? How does that apply to nonbinary people? Social transition can truly be any number of things, including, but not limited to: wearing different clothing, wearing makeup, going by a new name, going by new pronouns, tucking (placing the testes into the inguinal canal, held in place with a kind of tight underwear or a garment called a gaff to change genital contours) and packing (using a phallic prosthesis to change genital contours), using breast, hip, or buttock prostheses (inserts into clothing or bra to augment breast, hip, or buttock size), or coming out. Social transition can also be used to describe the experience of what it feels like to witness society changing how you are treated based on your transness, coming into your trans identity, and even coming into trans community. Social aspects of transness are perhaps the most malleable and easiest to experiment with: trying any of these things is not necessarily a commitment to doing it everyday, to doing it forever, or even to act a certain way.
How do I cope with gender dysphoria?
Coping with gender dysphoria is often a painful and personal process, as dysphoria itself can take many forms, including social dysphoria, body dysphoria, specific body dysphorias like bottom or top dysphoria, and even a kind of existential dysphoria. Generally, if dysphoria itself is a disconnection, something that helps will be some sort of connection, whether that be to your gender, your community, your trans community, your loved ones, your passions, or your body. For this reason, attempting connection in these areas can help you cope when you’re feeling especially dysphoric
1. wearing gender affirming clothing
2. attending support groups online or in person for trans community
a. online support: Thrive Lifeline’s moderated trans community Discord, ages 13+:
https://thrivelifeline.org/trans-discord
b. online support: The Trevor Project’s international LGBTQ+ community, 13-24:
c. LA LGBT Center Trans Lounge community. https://community.lalgbtcenter.org/trans-lounge/
3. spending time with friends who support you
4. delving into something you love that makes you confident, like a hobby or sport
5. listening to music that “gets” you
For eligible youth in California: contact us today to get matched with a gender affirming therapist and have talk therapy sessions entirely covered: https://www.safty.org/resources-youth
Many trans people also cope with gender dysphoria in the body through body modifications, like tattoos and piercings, hair dye, haircuts, and more. Taking control of what you can control can be liberating. There are also options for reducing possibilities of gender dysphoria. For instance, you can use this chrome extension to hide your former name/birth name/dead name online. Here’s the link: https://chromewebstore.google.com/detail/deadname-remover/cceilgmnkeijahkehfcgfalepihfbcag?pli=1
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